What Burger Says To Ice Queens
- "Is it zero(0) degrees Celsius in here, or is it just you?"
- "If you were a playing card, you would be the Queen of Snowflakes!"
- "When I want cold, I'll just buy some ice cream...then again, I don't eat ice cream since I'm lactose intolerant!"
- "With girls/women/ladies like you around, every season is winter!"
- "Your name should be changed to Antarctica after the coldest continent on Earth!"
- "I have seen snowmen that are warmer than your heart!"
- "Allow my hot head to warm your cold shoulders!"
- "Why don't you use your cold heart/shoulders to refrigerate frozen foods instead of frostbiting me?"
- "Do you want a winter coat? Because you need to warm up those cold shoulders of yours!"
- "Your attitude makes me think of a fairytale princess-Snow White-but despite her name, she wasn't an ice queen like you!"
- "You know how you spell unfriendly? U, you, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU!"
(The word unromantic works with this joke, too!)
- "Your shoulders are like a blizzard; everybody near them gets frozen!"
- "Your shoulders are so cold, they could freeze an entire lake!"
- "No wonder you're unfriendly/unromantic! The temperature of your heart is zero(0) Kelvin!"
(In case you don't know, zero Kelvin is absolute zero; it's the coldest temperature possible! By the way, zero Kelvin = -273 degrees Celsius = -459.4 degrees Farenheit.)
If her name happens to be Alice:
- "Remove the A & L from your name, and then add the word queen after it; that's what you are!"
If her name happens to be Goldilocks:
- "Thanks for the frostbite, Coldilocks!"
- "Why don't we remove the G from your name & replace it with a C?"
If her name happens to be Sue, Susan, Susanna, or Suzy:
- "Maybe your surname should be Snowflake, but then you would be stealing Suzy Snowflake's identity!"
If her name happens to be Sally, Sarah, or Sarita:
- Your name may mean "princess", but you just became a queen, an ice queen!
If her name happens to be Princess:
- "Your name may be Princess, but you just became a queen, an ice queen!"
If her name happens to be Queen or Queenie:
- "What's the name of your kingdom, Frostina?"
- "You must be the queen of some winter wonderland!"
If her name happens to be Lady:
- "If you were a royal lady, you could be crowned an ice queen, Lady!"
- "Perhaps your surname should be Icy Blocks!"
(Full joke name: Lady Icy Blocks)
(Spoofed name: Lady Lovely Locks)
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© Derek Cumberbatch